To Run Or Not To Run.......

..... that is a SILLY question!

I most always choose the "to run" option in that question, except for times like right now where it's late at night and my head is in a bag of Twizzlers. A "Family Sized" bag of Twizzlers I might add. (Does anybody else see "Family Sized" but actually reads "A LOT MORE FOR ME SIZED"???)

I have to admit that I am not the most seasoned runner... I've only done two races, I'm slow, I lack a sports bra that costs more than $16... But I like to pride myself in, at the very least, being passionate about running. I want to improve. I like getting up and going running despite my other love of complaining about heat and bugs in my face. I will also revolve my plans around running to get a good workout in.

So then my runner friends are like, WHY haven't you done a half marathon yet?!

The truth is, I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to! But over the past year, I haven't really been in a position to commit myself to any race, yet alone a big race.

In my very first post I discussed how my new years resolution was to run a half marathon, and I had my heart set on October 14. This was a race I had researched that took place in Oxford, England. So I mapped out a training plan and stuck to it.

The more I trained with that exact date in my mind, the more I kind of dreaded it. I didn't dread the running or the training; truth is I dreaded that actual race. I felt like I just picked that one because it fit best with my moving plans and Fiance's work schedule.

I wanted so bad to accomplish this new years resolution that I just picked any race, and my heart just wasn't in it.

In a way I felt guilty. No, I take that back. I felt so incredibly guilty that I was contemplating not doing a half marathon this year just because my heart wasn't in it. I told myself to suck it up and just continue doing it. But then I found a race that I absolutely fell in love with. The Brighton Half Marathon takes place in February, and Brighton is my absolute favorite city in England. I was still so frustrated, because I wanted to do this race so bad, but it was in 2013, so technically my resolution wouldn't be resolved in 2012. Isn't that the point of "new years resolutions"??

So what's more important in this situation? Is it running a race just to get the job done even though my heart isn't in it? Or is it holding back for a race that I'm genuinely excited about even though I have to wait to achieve my goal?

I know in life sometimes you have to suck it up and do something you don't want to do. But in this case, when the something you don't want to do is a hobby, I feel the karma spirit gods of new years resolutions will cut me some slack.

I finally decided that I'm going to wait to do a half marathon, despite it going past my new years resolution's expiration date. I like feeling excited about races, and not a silly need to get it over with. If I'm going to run my first half marathon, its going to be the race of my dreams.

What about you? Did you ever feel like you were letting yourself down by not accomplishing something you wanted? What about new years resolutions? Are they sometimes meant to be broken?